The Faerie Blog

Hello World!

8:23 PM, September 15

Hello everyone, or as it's more likely, no one. I don't write that often, and I've always been horrible at keeping up with blogs, and journals and things like that, but something happened recently that I felt the world needs to know. And where else can I do it but online, where no one will think I'm crazy, because no one knows who I am, right? So here goes.

Yesterday, I saw a faerie.

Really! I'm positive, because I saw her when she thought no one was looking.

My last class ends at three, and I decided to go into the woods for a bit of 'nature absorption,' as my boyfriend J. calls it. The path follows the creek and crosses it at several points. What I like to do is wade down the stream from the first crossing to the second. J. was of course the one who got me into doing this. Before him, I generally stayed out of the woods, and especially out of the water for fear of the water moccasins, crawdads, and other creepy animals. I still get a bit freaked out if I think too hard about it.

As I was getting near the second crossing, I saw someone coming down the path, so I stopped, preferring to stay out of sight until I knew who it was.

It was K. I know K. a bit, but I really didn't feel like talking to her, so I stayed where I was. As she came to the water's edge, instead of walking across on the stepping stones, she lightly sprang into the water. But get this: she didn't wade through the water: she walked on top of the water! I couldn't believe it! In fact, I figured I was seeing things, but then she reached the other side, bent over, placed her hand on the ground, and immediately a flower sprang up. She laughed, picked it, and stuck it in her hair behind her ear, then ran off as if this was all normal!

I was reeling, but strangely enough, it all made sense. K. dresses ridiculously, wearing almost nothing at all even in the winter. She always wears pastel or earthy dresses, hardly ever wears shoes, and her ears definitely look a bit pointed at the tip. And she changes her hair color almost every week. I don't think she has wings, though. I'll have to look that up to see if all faeries have wings. Maybe she was hiding them, or they're invisible. But I know she's a faerie. Once the word entered my mind, everything clicked into place. I told J., who was a bit skeptical, but he wants to ask her about it. I told him he wasn't allowed unless I was there. He would do that, though, go ask her if she's a faerie just for fun.

Please don't think I'm crazy. I wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't seen anything. I mean, I'm a physics major! But even if people forget it, science is about observation, so I have to live by what I observe.

Anyway, I'll let you know once we talk to K., and see if we can force her to tell the truth about herself.

My Boyfriend Isn't Gay, but...

6:07 PM, September 16

So I thought that discovering the existence of faeries was world-shattering news, but I found out something that shakes my world up even more.

Today at lunch, J. and I got our food, and as we were looking for a seat, we spotted K. sitting by herself in a corner. I nudged J., and we walked over to join her.

Before I could even confront her with what I saw in the woods, she looked oddly at J. and said, "You're a faerie."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. My jaw dropped to the table, and J. started laughing. I was speechless for a full minute. My mind raced through this ridiculous conjecture, as I tried to imagine why she would say this. Finally I came up with the only reasonable explanation.

"He's not gay," I said, oddly praying that this was what she meant. It wasn't, of course.

"Duh," she said, as if I were the stupidest person on earth, "I don't mean that kind of fairy. I mean the magical kind of faerie. The ones that leave changelings in place of babies, stick around humans because you're so fun to tease, and are mostly immortal."

"But we came here to ask if you were a faeire!" I protested.

She laughed. "I am," she replied. "And so is he."

I blanked for the rest of the conversation. J. and K. talked like they were long lost family. I guess they are. I left them still talking to go to my next class. I haven't seen either of them since. I think I've lost my boyfriend....I mean, how can I compete with a faerie?

Maybe It's Not All Bad

11:43 PM, September 16

An hour ago, J. burst into my room to show me what K. taught him. He cupped his hands together, and slowly pulled them apart. Inside was a blue light that grew as he opened his hands. Then he smiled and shoved the light onto my chest, right over my heart. Immediately I felt a warmth spread over me. My depression lifted a bit. He tickled me, as if to make it clear that he really does love me still, even if I'm not a faerie like K. I think things are going to be okay.

And by the way, I checked Wikipedia: Faeries only started sporting wings in 19th century art and literature. Before that, faeries flew around on the backs of birds. They also come in all shapes and sizes, some being taller than human, and some just a few inches tall.

Maybe It Is Bad...

8:16 PM, September 25

This week's been a living hell. I don't think I can take much more of this. J.'s been hanging out with K. non-stop all week long. And then he sends me mixed signals by doing extra nice things for me, like taking me out on an expensive date, and surprising me with chocolate at the beginning of a class period. I can't tell if he's just super happy to be a faerie, or if he feels guilty for spending so much time with K. Every time I think it's the latter, though, I look in his eyes, and I think I see his love for me. He's never been one of those sort of people who's subtle, hiding his feelings. Everything's pretty straightforward with him.

And he still teases me like normal. I mean, I hate it when he does it, but I think if he were feeling guilty, he would stop teasing me so much.

Either way though, the feeling is growing on me that he's losing perspective on life. K. will start talking about her 'true' home in Faerie, then sort of glance at me and change the subject. But K. and J. talk about it when I'm not around. From what I can drag out of him, it's not a place that humans are allowed to go, and it's sort of a place to rest and recharge, filled with magic, and amazing food, and blah, blah, blah.

I just want him to stay here, and I tell him about finishing up his degree and getting a job, but he just stares at me, his eyes asking why he should care. He can't connect with anything except K. anymore. I've spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep.

I really can't take much more of this. I wish I'd never seen K. in the woods. Why didn't I just shout "hello" to her, or something? Why did I have to be in the woods at all?

K. Hates Me

9:37 PM, September 27

Today at lunch, J. and I were sitting across from K. like normal. J. had a meeting, so he left early. It was just K. and me, staring at each other. I decided to try to be nice, but after a few attempts at small talk, I gave up. Then after a moment of awkward silence, K. spoke up.

"S., Why are you still dating J.?"

I looked up, surprised.

She continued on, "I mean, he's a faerie. We aren't meant to be tied to humans. You're just bringing him down."

I was reeling with shock and anger. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I nearly shouted at her, "J. loves me! How dare you try to break us up!"

A crooked smile slowly appeared on her face, and she raised her eyebrows. "Hey, I just want what's best for J. He really wants to come with me to Faerie, but he doesn't think you'd appreciate that. You're the reason he won't come."

I wish I could say I was mature in this, but I wasn't. I won't even repeat what I yelled at her as I furiously picked up my tray and raced for the door.

Now in retrospect, I have to wonder if she's right. J. truly loves me, I think, but it's true. He gets a far off look when K. talks about Faerie. I don't think he really belongs here.

And that makes me think about myself. Why did I start liking J.? I mean, obviously, he's gorgeous, but that sort of thing by itself doesn't warrant dating someone long term. I guess what really intrigued me about him was the fact that he got me to do things I would never do if he weren't around. I never used to go into the woods, now it's an almost daily ritual. I used to care about what people thought of how I dressed. Lately I've been experimenting with all sort of different looks, not minding, and even loving the unusual stares people give me. And last month I even went with him to T.P. Prof W.'s house.

But is that really a good thing? I keep thinking about my future. I'm incredibly good at physics, and I have an eye on all of the top graduate schools in the country. I think I might even be able to get into M.I.T. But I think I might just be blind about this. J.'s not going to follow me to a graduate school. I know for certain that he wouldn't be able to handle a long term relationship. And he's definitely bringing down my grades. I could push them back up before the end of the semester, if I weren't dating.

Life sucks. Why does anyone even get into relationships? They suck. There's no easy way out.

Goodbye

4:03 AM, October 1

After struggling for a week with my conscience, I did it. I told J. to go to Faerie, to leave me behind, that our lives were obviously going two different directions. He didn't wait an extra second; I saw him and K. running into the woods an hour after we talked. He's probably not coming back. Ever.

Goodbye, J. It was fun while it lasted. I should have known it had to end, you're so very different from me. I think I just changed myself to fit in with you. I guess I can be myself now. Maybe it will feel better, less cramped.

Maybe not. At least, not for a while. Right now, I just feel a heavy weight in my stomach. I can't find a reason to go on, to keep living. I can't sleep, I just keep thinking about J. Even though I know it's not true, I feel like the world will never be right again.

Life Goes On

9:02 PM, December 18

Today I went into the woods for the first time since I broke up with J. A flood of memories swept over me, and I wondered, did I really make the right decision to break up with him?

I mean, obviously it helped me. I graduated summa cum laude, which I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done if he had stuck around. And I haven't gotten into any sort of trouble. My life seems a lot more stable, which I like.

But I keep feeling like I'm missing something, even after I 'got over' J. Last night I went on a date with this guy, L., but it just wasn't exciting. We just talked, and he was really, really nice, and I liked him. But J. was so alive. L. was, well, he's just like me, I guess. He took me to a restaurant that J. took me to one time. That time, J. had talked the whole time with a middle-eastern accent just to see how the waiter would react. Last night L. was as polite as possible with the waiter, cracking all the right small-talk jokes, and giving him exactly fifteen percent. Part of me was relieved not to feel embarrassed the whole time, but another part missed the excitement of it.

After going into the woods today, I thought that I would go to class with my shoes off, but I chickened out as I got to the building. I needed J. there to do it with me. Otherwise, it just seemed too silly.

Of course it doesn't matter. I think J.'s gone for good, and even if he ever comes back from Faerie, it's not very likely that he'll want to come back to college. He'll probably just live in the forest, flitting from tree to tree or something. Oh well.

Goodbye World

7:09 AM, December 24

I don't have much time for this, but I don't think I'll have access to the internet for a very, very long time.

J. came back! He said it's only felt like a week or two in Faerie, but he still missed me, and he came back for me! He wants me to come with him to Faerie!

Technically, humans aren't allowed into Faerie, but J. just says "That just makes it all the more fun!"

He wants to disguise me as an elf or something; he says that he can do glamour pretty easily now, whatever that really means. We'll stay until they kick us out, and then we'll go who knows where! I don't care. I mean, I can start my life as a physicist anytime, if I really want to. I've finally figured out that it's secondary to the things that make me love life.

So this is S., signing off. Maybe someday I'll come back and tell everyone all about Faerie. It sounds pretty cool. J. says that there are some Faeries with wings, and he was even thinking about growing some himself.

Anyways, goodbye world, take care of yourself while I'm gone! Hope no one misses me too much; I don't think I'll miss you very much.